April 19, 2001
There hasn't been much new going on with Darby. We're still walking and we've worked ourselves up to a mile a day. There has been no sign of a limp. For that I give thanks.
It seems like it's been such a long trip. Looking at the calendar I see it has been 11 weeks. Most people have already forgotten the anxiousness I felt over the surgery and tend to forget the long road Darby and I still have ahead of us. I wish I could fast forward, but alas this is real life and its not possible.
Sometimes I find myself saying the heck with it and am tempted to just let Darby do what she wants and the consequences be damned. I'm tired of having to deal with this, of having a dog who has to be watched constantly. Of having a dog who cannot run, jump and play with the others. She doesn't understand why she can't and I find myself more and more wanting to let her.
Then my common sense kicks in and I know that there is no way I could afford to do this again. The surgery basically wiped out my savings account. Do I want that all to go for nothing? I guess I can't do it. I need to be strong and see this through the end for Darby one way or the other.
If it comes that she cannot compete in agility again despite the surgery, I will be bitterly disappointed. Yes I know I sound selfish, but that is human nature. Or at least I'm blaming it on human nature. She was so good at it, it will seem so wasteful if she cannot continue. I look at the other dogs and I just don't see the talent there.
Sometimes I want to kick a rock and scream "WHY ME?". Then it gets to be time for Darby's walk so I hook up her collar and lead and off we go. Walking slow, one small step at a time. Isn't that just the way life is sometimes?
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